Afraid

Im afraid now. We've been going good for a few days, but her friend came back from vacation. The same one that ended our relationship before. This time, im prepared to fight back. I love mo like nothing I've ever felt before, I'll fight to the death for her heart.

My god....

One of my friends, omarlobo. He knew about this blog, though i told him not to show it to her.
No suprise, he did. She read everything..... and we talked about it. it was then that i realized that i would never have another guy friend like omar. he was there for me the whole itme. He BEGGED HER to give me a chance. She still believes i cant keep the promis i made when i said i wouldnt let us drift apart. I meant it, and i plan on keeping that promise in ouor future relationship.
Thank you, omar.

Keep on writing...

I can't stop writing about my feelings. I always feel lonely when she isnt here, counting the minutes to when she will be. If this is what heartbrealk feels like, I hope i dont feel it much longer.
So i sit here, lonely as ever, thinking to myself:
When will you truly understand, mo?
Will you ever, truly understand?

Also, one more thing before this post is posted:
I may have understood what heatbreak is...
but now I understand what love is too. For those of you who say a 14 year old is too young to know what love is, youre wrong. Its mo.

Another Day of Longing

My friend invited me to a party today. Games, fun, friends, all that stuff. I said yes, because i need to get out more. He didn't know, I would have rather stayed home and talked to mo.

We had a bit of a disagreement yesterday, nothing major. She says shes been sending mixed signals. I told her that they werent mixed, they all pointed toward that direction.
She told me that she wasnt sure if it was the right direction. I think it is.
One of the problems she has is the fact that shes had nothing but bad luck with, "the L word." Love.
I believe i can convince her to love the word again, its so beautiful, the most amazing thing on earth. If its real.
Its real for me.
So, ill probably talk to her later today... The problem is, the closer friends we get, the farther away from a relationship we get. Or maybe its closer. I dont know at this point.

There have been a few times where the thought of stopping all contact with her has drifted into my head... it always leaves immediately. If I cant have her as a partner, I have to be happy with her as a friend... for now.

I just wish she understood...

What happened today.

First off, the chocolate sauce keeps coming up. Its a long story, but basically i made a joke about covering her whole body with chocolate sauce while she was asleep, and it went from there.
Hoops came home from vacation today. He went out with 2 women at one time (didnt happen).
He also said he has a girlfriend whos 15, which also did not happen.
Lastly, he asked about mo. Though weve broken up, I'm still extremely defensive, and I basically cursed him out, telling him not to ask me about my girlfriend anymore.

Should I let go of something that she believes isnt meant to be? As hard as I try, I can't. Talking to her everyday just makes me crazy.

*sigh* here goes...

Ok, so heres the deal. For about, i dont know, a year, maybe? Ive been friends with this girl named Mo, who has nearly crossed the line of absolute perfection. Shes sweet, she listens, shes funny, cares, beautiful- I can't stop thinking about her. Only problem is- we know eachother online.
If you plan to pass judgement, stop here.
Heres the story. For the time the we knew eachother, we became great friends, sharing everything with eachother. She'd tell me the problems she had, and I'd help her with them and try to comfort her, maybe turn them into a joke if she was really feeling down.
Then recently, we began to talk on yahoo, where previously we had been chatting through site messages, which worked out ok.
Once we began to talk on yahoo, we had more fun than ever, olaying truth or dare, things like that.
One day I invited somebody i know, hoops, to join in.
After the game, and knowing her for A HALF AND HOUR, he decided he had to have her.
After an hour of consistent arguing, I left the chatroom. Later, mo asked me why I had been so defensive. As soon as she asked me that, it hit me: I was in love with mo.
I couldnt stand too much secrecy, its just the way I am, so i confessed my feelings. 10 seconds later i told her i was just messing around, which she wasnt too happy with, but we moved on. Thats the great thing about mo, she doesnt blow things out of porportion, if i spelled that right.
Tomorrow, I asked her to ask me some really deep, and painful questions, a game I liked to play once in a while. After a half hour of slowly building her to it, she finally asked the question: Did i mean it or not. I told her the truth.
Then, I gave her 3 choices, 1. stay friends, 2. confess returned feelings, or 3. tell me to go away, and leave her aloone, even as a friend. She told me there was no way she would let me go, even if she had to chain me to a tree. I just sat there.
So now, she had 2 choices. I expected her to pick one immediately, turns out i was wrong. she told me I made her laugh, was a really sweet guy, and seems to always care about her problems. Wouldnt you believe it, she picked 2. I was amazed a beautiful girl like her would say anything like that about a guy like me.

So, we tried a relationship. It lasted all of 3 days. Her extremely jealous friend, who i believe is a nazi, would have none of it. So, by what she though was mutual agreement, we broke up. I acted ok with it, but inside I was heartbroken.
So, eventually, after a lot of talking, anger, sleep loss, appetite loss, and heartbreak, we cleaned the slate. Though we talk like were friends now, despite her cute way of flirting, I can't get her out of my head. I still love her, and for as long as I talk to her, I wont stop loving her. all of you who didnt listen to my warning before, dont pass judgement.
You wouldnt understand untill you mean a woman like mo: beautiful, intelligent, sweet, funny, and almost a little sexy in a cute way.