Saturday, August 16, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Obstacle Removed
I told Mo today that im an atheist. Id been wobbling back and forth for a bit, She was just that extra push i needed in one direction. I told her, and she feels like a hiprocite. I told her, she didnt do anything, I just dont want this obstacle between uss.
I love you, Mo.
I love you, Mo.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Religion
Religion: The Ultimate Obstacle.
Im A christian, she isnt. What else can I say?
We had a long talk about it today. I pressured her into trying ift for a bit, to see if it went alright. She said yes
I took it back 5 minutes later.
I told her how i didnt want to pressure her into something she didnt really want to do. She certainly has the heart for it, it's in there somewhere. I just need to help her discover it.
Shes had her troubles. Her first boyfriend, matt, aka scumbag, was a christian, and cheated on her. Her family split up partyl because of religion differences. Shes stubborn about it, but I'm convinced that somewhere in her, she really wantts to try it. Until then, I'll spend my time trying not to bring it up. Wont work though.
Im A christian, she isnt. What else can I say?
We had a long talk about it today. I pressured her into trying ift for a bit, to see if it went alright. She said yes
I took it back 5 minutes later.
I told her how i didnt want to pressure her into something she didnt really want to do. She certainly has the heart for it, it's in there somewhere. I just need to help her discover it.
Shes had her troubles. Her first boyfriend, matt, aka scumbag, was a christian, and cheated on her. Her family split up partyl because of religion differences. Shes stubborn about it, but I'm convinced that somewhere in her, she really wantts to try it. Until then, I'll spend my time trying not to bring it up. Wont work though.
Im afraid this is hurting our relationship.
Please god, help her to understand...
from mo's blog:
Dear God,
Dear God,
I can't believe i'm actually writing you one, but believe it or not, i am. Sure, it wasn't originally my idea to, but hey, i'm writing.Don't take this the wrong way, but i still don't think religion is a good thing. I'm sure you're told this alot, and i'm sorry i can't be someone that agrees with you, personally. Well, if you're as Great and All Seeing as everybody says you are, i'm sure you understand my reasons.Anyways, the main reason why i'm writing, is because i'm doing it on Trial. I'm not sure how this is going to go, but i hope it goes the way it's supposed.If you even care,Mo.
Dear Dan,
Today has got to be the scariest day i've ever had. The entire time you were talking, i was just waiting for you to say "i can't take it anymore". I mean, i know you wouldn't, but it felt like it. I'm not that confident in things like this. And the conversation topic just made me feel worse. Literally, i almost cried during it. I know you mean well, and i agree, it would give us something else in common. But, as lame as this sounds, i don't want to. I like who i am.Yes, you did tell me afterwards that you didn't mean to pressure me into something i didn't want. But i could tell that you were only saying that to be nice. I understand that you really do want me to do this for you. And i'll try. But, for this, i'm not making any promises on the results.One day down, two more to go.Love,Mo.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Losing
Ive lost 2 friends from this. A few guys I know off the internet, thought we were friends, then they turned around and laughed.
One of them went so far as to say after 3 months, we would be over, and he would laugh.
Yeah right.
Today, Mo told me she was saving her first kiss for me. Tears hit me.
Her fantasy: she wants to have her first kiss to be in the rain. As I think about it, its rather romantic, adding the crashing and feeling of being soaked to the romance of the first kiss. Im saving mine too.
I always tell her, I don't deserve her, and that shes stuck with me. She thinks its my low self esteem talking, but its really just the fact that theres no guy on this earth that deserves her. It heartens me, knowing she thinks I come pretty close.
Love you, mo.
One of them went so far as to say after 3 months, we would be over, and he would laugh.
Yeah right.
Today, Mo told me she was saving her first kiss for me. Tears hit me.
Her fantasy: she wants to have her first kiss to be in the rain. As I think about it, its rather romantic, adding the crashing and feeling of being soaked to the romance of the first kiss. Im saving mine too.
I always tell her, I don't deserve her, and that shes stuck with me. She thinks its my low self esteem talking, but its really just the fact that theres no guy on this earth that deserves her. It heartens me, knowing she thinks I come pretty close.
Love you, mo.
Crazy
Last night, I asked her to marry me when we meet. I don't know why. I meant it, but as I think about it more, its beginning to scare me.
She said one bite at a time, thank god. I dont know what came over me there, but I do want a life with her.
Weve both admitted we have our problems. But at least we know them. So far, our relationship has been nearly secretless, completely open and trusting,.
"It's weird. Using your name, that is. Going from saying Dirkpitt for months, and suddenly changing it to Dan. Then again, i guess alot of things have changed, huh?I know that you think i'll never understand how much you love me, but i do. I just like to be oblivious to it sometimes. Makes the headaches ease up a bit. No offense to you, of course.I'm also aware of how much you hate me disagreeing with you on the "beautiful" and such things. Don't be mad (if you are, that is). It's just one of those things that you grow up hearing all your life, and when someone tries and change what you know, it's hard to let go. But, i guess you already know that about me from the L word.Yes, i'm going to keep referring to it that way. I might already admit to loving you, which i do, but i'm still shy about saying it other than that. Again, bad habit.I'm not sure when or if i'll ever tell my friends about you. It was hard enough trying to explain that to Katy, my bestest friend-almost sister, and she understands everything about me. So, i don't know if my other friends would handle it. I just hope that when or if they find out, they'll be happy for me. Which, i'm sure they would be.I'm keeping you to your promise about October 25th. No matter what happens, one of us is buying a one way ticket. That's the only promise i ask for you to keep.Thanks for being here.Love,Mo "
She wrote that. Sometimes I wonder if she means it. I think she shows it, but you never know, right?
On august 8th, shes leaving. Wont talk to her most likely, sept maybe a few times, but itll be back to the crappy computer.
This part touched me:
Her mother, who she absolutely hates... Shes going to try to go to her house as much as she can, so she can talk to me. I got a bit choked up. Its overwhelming to know that somebody loves me so much, and the fact that its mo just drives me crazy.
She said one bite at a time, thank god. I dont know what came over me there, but I do want a life with her.
Weve both admitted we have our problems. But at least we know them. So far, our relationship has been nearly secretless, completely open and trusting,.
"It's weird. Using your name, that is. Going from saying Dirkpitt for months, and suddenly changing it to Dan. Then again, i guess alot of things have changed, huh?I know that you think i'll never understand how much you love me, but i do. I just like to be oblivious to it sometimes. Makes the headaches ease up a bit. No offense to you, of course.I'm also aware of how much you hate me disagreeing with you on the "beautiful" and such things. Don't be mad (if you are, that is). It's just one of those things that you grow up hearing all your life, and when someone tries and change what you know, it's hard to let go. But, i guess you already know that about me from the L word.Yes, i'm going to keep referring to it that way. I might already admit to loving you, which i do, but i'm still shy about saying it other than that. Again, bad habit.I'm not sure when or if i'll ever tell my friends about you. It was hard enough trying to explain that to Katy, my bestest friend-almost sister, and she understands everything about me. So, i don't know if my other friends would handle it. I just hope that when or if they find out, they'll be happy for me. Which, i'm sure they would be.I'm keeping you to your promise about October 25th. No matter what happens, one of us is buying a one way ticket. That's the only promise i ask for you to keep.Thanks for being here.Love,Mo "
She wrote that. Sometimes I wonder if she means it. I think she shows it, but you never know, right?
On august 8th, shes leaving. Wont talk to her most likely, sept maybe a few times, but itll be back to the crappy computer.
This part touched me:
Her mother, who she absolutely hates... Shes going to try to go to her house as much as she can, so she can talk to me. I got a bit choked up. Its overwhelming to know that somebody loves me so much, and the fact that its mo just drives me crazy.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Plans
First off, Mo told her friend. It was too late. Theyre no longer friends, something i feel guilty about, but she tells me it isnt my fault.
For somebody so young, I had a plan in life. go to school ,college, become an architect. After all this, they're gone. On my 18th birthday, im buying a plane ticket to Arkansas. Hopefully, itll be one way. but its oging to happen.
For somebody so young, I had a plan in life. go to school ,college, become an architect. After all this, they're gone. On my 18th birthday, im buying a plane ticket to Arkansas. Hopefully, itll be one way. but its oging to happen.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Afraid
Im afraid now. We've been going good for a few days, but her friend came back from vacation. The same one that ended our relationship before. This time, im prepared to fight back. I love mo like nothing I've ever felt before, I'll fight to the death for her heart.
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